How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
