pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
