is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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