Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
