He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
