YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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