dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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