idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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