If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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