this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
