I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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