She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
