If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
