i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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