but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
