I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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