so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
