Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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