If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
