Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
