Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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