That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
