If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize