Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
