Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There r osticjed everywhere
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
