My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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