Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
