When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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