I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
