and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize