someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
