If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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