I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
