If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
