There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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