Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize