So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am midnight drunk by noon
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
