I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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