if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
