We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
