Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
