I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
