I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
do nipples grow back?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
