put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize