how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
