The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think your dad took our porno
I just had sex on a roof
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
