I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
