While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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