Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
