Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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