I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
