i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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