Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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