I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
