Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
