I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize