There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
