I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I know her cup size but not her name....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
