I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
