If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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