There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
