I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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