he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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