The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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