nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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