three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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