A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
