bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
