he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
