We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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