I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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