Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
