I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
