I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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