Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
