If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
